I haven’t written in a while. My heart’s been heavy with everyday monotony and its worries. We, my fiancé Abraham, his two kids [our two kids], and I are working on becoming a family. Me personally, I’ve been struggling with being a stepmom to these two little boys. These days they’re calling families like ours, “blended families”. Well, I’ve desperately been trying to blend our little family seamlessly together without causing any injury to little boy hearts.
I feel as though I’m failing miserably.
This weekend, as stepmom, I really wanted Elijah and Isaiah to hear from God. It’s what any “real mom” would want, right? In truth though it was mostly out of pure desperation. I’ve run out of answers to their many, many questions. Questions that range from, “Why is the sky blue?” to “Why did my parents get divorced?” Lately, in response to these questions, I’ve just been giving our children a lot of hopelessly blank stares.
“Jesus!” I thought. Jesus has all the answers.
So Saturday night all four of us did our best to quiet our hearts and create a space of stillness for God to speak. This, by the way, is in itself a gigantic feat. Getting two boys under the age of twelve to sit still.
The first question Isaiah asked God was, “What game do you want to play with me?”. Isaiah said he heard God say, “hide and seek”. Elijah asked the same question and heard God say, “Tag”. Okay, I thought, pretty generic kid games. I was also thinking, “What on earth does THAT mean, God? Tag? Hide and seek? Ya, okay”.
The next question we asked was, “God, why do you want to play tag?” and “God, why do want to play hide and seek?”
“Because it’s fun”, is what both Elijah and Isaiah heard God say.
At this point I gave both of them one of my famous hopelessly blank stares. They were looking at me with expressions of pure joy on their face and I didn’t get it. To me, “because it’s fun” was not an acceptable God-response. Jesus was supposed to be answering their tough heart-questions. Clearly this wasn’t working.
As I sat there staring into their two grinning faces, I heard God say the same thing,
“Because it’s fun, Raquel. I’m fun, or have you forgotten?”
-> Insert hopelessly blank stare, O_O <-
I had forgotten. It’s silly but in reminding me of this God uncomplicated a lot of things for me. As parents, the best thing we can do for our two little boys is to provide a joyful, loving home.
Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel among you.