i wish you my own humbled heart

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We fought yesterday and I’m sorry.

You hurt my feelings. You didn’t know, it’s not your fault. Our shared journey, as one flesh, it is only possible with Him as our guide. After all, He is the only one who knows the way. His rod safeguards and His staff strengthens as He shepherds us along the narrow path you and I now share. Christ goes before us always. Except yesterday He didn’t. He didn’t because I didn’t let Him.

How could you have known your words and actions would reveal a stronghold, an un-surrendered territory of my heart? As soon as you gave breath to your words, I knew they would start a war. I could feel the unquenchable anger, unreasonable resentment, well up in the deepest part of me. It was a battle I did not want to fight. It’s one of the last ones, I think, but it’s going to be one of the hardest; this I know; ruling over my own wayward spirit.

You are right and I was wrong. I knew I was wrong but I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to battle against my pride. It hurts too much. I was mad at you because of something someone else did.

You are right and I was wrong. I didn’t want to forgive you for what you did, for what you said. Forgiving you meant forgiving the past actions of someone else. Someone I did not want to forgive.

I could hear the Shepherd calling. I remained wilful. I refused to humble myself, I refused to forgive. Love believes all things. I’m sorry for not trusting in your goodness, in His unfailing grace. I’m sorry for not trusting in your love for me, in His unending mercy. I’m sorry for punishing you for the sins of another. I’m sorry for choosing anger and un-forgiveness over love itself.

You are right and I was wrong. I love you.

Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.
Proverbs 16:32

Love, I wish you my own humbled heart.

One thought on “i wish you my own humbled heart

  1. Love you are the one The Lord has put in my life. I know we are going to have are ups and down but in the end of the day God has our relationship in His hands. I love you so much for who you are and what you stand for and nothing is going to come between us as long as we have God in our heart. Great work on your blog. TE AMO MI VIDA!!!

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