Something’s been on my mind for a great “whale” now. Haha, no, no, I mean a great while now. Before I was scared to share, scared to open up this part of my life to questions, comments, concerns, and criticism. Honestly, I am still scared. Scared but [I think/hope] strong enough now to take whatever comes [Lord help me].
Right after I left my ex-husband I was alone for five months. And, when I say alone, I pretty much mean, alone. Just me and God and the occasional twice a month outing with maybe one or two other friends. I didn’t do much of anything except work, read, journal, paint a little, talk to God, and go to church. I did go on a couple trips to see my family during this time and this was comforting but I live in LA and they live in either TX or IL or NY. I really wasn’t able to see them very often. During these five months a lot of time was spent inside my head and inside God’s heart. I am not saying that isolation is always a good thing, but the time spent that was just us (God +me) was at times lonely but always strangely wonderful.
Being born again ain’t no joke. At church I heard over and over again that when you repent and confess that Jesus is your Lord and Savior, the Holy Spirit comes and lives inside you. This would be the very same Spirit that breathed Adam into life and raised Christ from the dead. That Spirit, that awesome, holy, Spirit lives in me; in anyone who takes up their cross and follows Him.
The way I found to describe the moment this happened to me is… He was a breath of fresh air.
Grey whales birth live young in open ocean waters. The new calves are unable to swim. As soon as they are born, mama whale gently pushes her calf to the surface where it takes his very first breath. Jesus did this same for me. When I met Him I didn’t even realize how troubled the waters were. Prostitution, drugs, drinking, infidelity. I had a heart for all these things. I heard a singer say once, “You will never understand my praise unless you understand my pain”.
I grew up learning all about Jesus but I never knew Him until I recognized Him as Savior. All my dreams died when my marriage ended. Ah, but there is one who specializes in resurrection. When my dreams died He was finally able to birth His dreams in me. Except His dreams were born inside me while I still occupied troubled waters. It was by His strength, not my own, that I breached the surface where I could finally breathe.
If any man be in Christ, He is a new creature, the old things are passed away, behold, all things become new.
II Corinthians 5:17
Dear World, I wish you a breath of fresh air.