Not long ago I woke up one morning to find a peacock ‘chillin’ on a telephone pole outside my apartment. Naturally, I then told everyone I knew that there was a peacock right outside my window. When I told my best friend and cousin she right away googled. Peacocks are able to swallow poisonous snakes without harm; they shed their feathers each year and grow vibrant new ones. What intriguing facts.
It takes me a great deal of strength to forgive those who hurt me and it takes me an equal or greater amount of strength to recognize my own shortcomings- bitterness and self-pity included. At first, after my divorce, I held on to a certain feeling of self-pity I believed I was entitled to. I soon found, however, that in order to heal the wounds of my heart I first had to allow Him to draw the poison out and, man alive, did this ever hurt. Self-reflection was, for me, at first very painful. My true colors were not very pretty.
I held on to past grievances and hurts but pretended like everything was okay. “I am fine”, I told myself, “I don’t care what I did or what was done to me”. By thinking and feeling this way I was unknowingly feeding my heart poisonous snakes: denial, bitterness, anger, and self-pity.
It was only when I fully acknowledged and digested what I really felt, only when I bore what really happened with patient endurance, that I was able to conquer these emotions. By Christ’s example I knew I had to shed self-pity and learn to forgive both myself and others.
Learning how to forgive and not wallow in self-pity is still something I am working on but at least now forgiveness and love are beginning to shine through as my true colors. And, with His help, one day, forgiveness and love will shine through perfectly- vibrant and true.
Examine me, Oh Lord, and prove me; try my reins and my heart.
Dear World, I wish you colors that are vibrant and true.