i wish you an anchor for your soul

I made my marriage vows with a hopeful heart. I placed all my hope in marriage and this hope was my heart’s anchor. I believed marriage was capable of nourishing and fulfilling my heart’s deepest desires: my desire for a real home, a family, a true resting place for my heart’s aimless wandering. I placed all my hope in marriage and, to a certain degree, marriage provided all these things but we are all only human and people, husbands and wives included, are not perfect. I got married with a broken heart, a heart torn apart by years of unresolved emotional baggage, and I entered marriage believing it would mend all the broken pieces. I put all my hope in this conviction and when I realized this was not the case, that marriage- and my loving but only human husband- was incapable of fixing everything, then my heart drifted away from hope and into the murky waters of bitterness, despair, and self-pity.

I heard someone say once that an anchor is only as effective as that which it is anchored in. Truer words, my friend, truer words. I entered marriage looking for perfect healing, a perfect home, and a perfect sense of familial belonging. I entered marriage seeking a perfect kind of peace and I did not find it there. Marriage, afterall, isn’t a cure-all although society -and even the church- sometimes defines it as such.

I choose now to steadfastly tether my heart to a perfect kind of hope and Love. There my heart, drawn out of murky waters and into flowing rivers of living water, will remain until the day I reach the one true and perfect home my heart longs for.

Which hope we have as anchor of the soul, both sure and stedfast, and which entereth into that within the veil;
Hebrews 6:19

Dear World, I wish you an anchor for your soul.

2 thoughts on “i wish you an anchor for your soul

    1. Thank you, thank you for being patient with me and for recognizing I’m still healing. Thank you for making a safe place for me to heal and for giving me equal space with which to do it, I love you and I thank God for you.

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