Battling depression was a fierce struggle and there are still days the war rages on. Mine was a depression caused by exhaustion. An exhaustion wrought by the religious mindset that, having been forgiven once, I then needed to somehow prove I was worthy of the incredible mercy and grace bestowed on my life.
Each day when I failed to be perfect I allowed guilt, shame, and self-loathing to invade the precious battle ground of my mind. Then, I didn’t know what I know now and so, ill prepared for battle, there were many instances of defeat. My journey, which began with with the sweet promise of sunshine, soon gave way to pervading gloom.
One day I woke up and realized the sun’s warm rays diminished completely. By repeatedly surrendering to negative thoughts I clouded out His hopeful promise of a bright future.
Once more I met His faithfulness and was tenderly reminded to rise above cloudy circumstances- to forecast sunshine in lieu of stormy weather.
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praisworthy- think about such things. Philippians 4:8
Dear World, I wish you the sunshine above the clouds.